Tropical Flower Shorts
by DaeMon
Summary: A collection of tales- X Men Evo style. Includes such classics as 'The Exploding Toliet', 'Banana Peels are Deadly-In Wolverine's Case Anyway' and 'Get Outta My Car'.


Chibi Mania

Tropical Flower Shorts

By DaeMon

(_This is a collection of short stories I've heard, then I've mutated *no pun intended* them into X Men: Evo fics. Lots of Kitty bashing and a bit of Wolverine.~D_)

(_Disclaimer: Just look at the word. It exlains itself, ne?_)

**Being Late To School Has Its Good Points!**

Kurt was running late- again. He ran down the streets, burger in mouth. He brushed past people, mumbling things like 'Excuse me' and 'Pardon me'. Yet, no one actually understood what the hell he was saying becuase of the burger in his mouth.

The mutant ducked into the shadows of a nearby building and looked left, right then left again to make sure no one was looking. He teleported to the school grounds, under a large oak tree. Kurt peaked out from behind the tree, to make sure no one had seen him teleport. He looked down at his watch, if he sprinted, he would only be five minutes late.

Just as he was about start running, the School exploded. Kurt blinked as the flames raged infront of him.

"And they yell at me for being late!" He sighed, then sat down to eat his burger.

(This story is based *loosely* on an Urban Legend about **all **the people who where supposed to be at a church to sing showing up late and finding the church on fire.)

**Banana Peels Are Deadly- In Wolverine's Case, Anyway**

Wolverine pushed Sabertooth off the edge of the clif and watched as his adversary fell screaming with rage to his death. He gave a ruff grunt and turned to return to the mansion. About a half hour later as he was climbing up the long staircase he spotted Kurt.

Logan's first impression of the elf boy was that he looked like a monkey. Kurt was crouched on the banistar eating a banana. It was obvious that he had eaten quiet a few, for banana peels littered the stairs around the top.

Unfortunetly, Wolverine neglected to notice this. 

As he placed his foot on the top step, he slipped on a banana peel and tumbled down the long staircase. When he reached the bottom, Logan felt a sense of floating. He looked up at Kurt, ready to beat the snot of the elf, when he realized something. Kurt was staring at him horrified, then fell backwards off the banistar and out of sight.

Wolverine looked down to see his body. Dead. "I SURVIVE MY LIFE AS AN X MEN, BEING CONSTANTLY STALKED BY SABERTOOTH, BEEN IN SO MANY CLOSE SHAVES THAT I CAN'T REMEBER THEM ALL AND I DIE BECUASE OF A FUCKING BANANA PEEL?"

Wolverine's ghost scoffed and flew away.

**Old Men And Speedy Little Jerks**

Professor Xavier was about to pull into a parking space when Quicksilver came speeding along and zoomed his car into the space. "I'm younger and faster, gramps!" Quicksilver said, laughing as he got out of his car.

It was Christmas time and the Professor was going Christmas shopping for the other mutants. That had been the last parking spot open. The Professor looked at the laughing Quicksilver and then rammed his car into Quicksilver's.

"I'm older and better insured, kid." He said, then drove away.

**Time's Up!**

Kurt was in a very large auditorium class, taking a timed test. When the teacher called "Time!" Kurt did not stop working. When he was done, he went to turn it in and the teacher said, "No need to turn it in, you've already failed."

"Do you know who I am?" Kurt asked, angrily.

"No." The teacher replied.

With that, Kurt shoved the test into the middle of the pile and said, "Goott."

**The Exploding Toliet**

Wolverine was out working on his motocycle while Jean was in the kitchen making pancakes. Suddenly, the motorcycle kicked into reverse and he, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged through the patio doors and dumped onto the floor. 

Jean, hearing the crash went to see what it was and found him. She immediatly called an ambulance who came and picked him up. As she watched him go, she noticed that gasoline had spilled all over the floor. Sighing, she grabbed a washcloth and set to work wiping it all up. 

When it was all clean, she pushed the motorcycle back outside and decided to throw the washcloth in the toliet. There had been some bugs living in one of the toliets and she figured the fumes from the gasoline would kill them off.

A few days later, Wolverine came back to the mansion all fixed up. He went to the bathroom and sat down on the toliet. He lit a ciggarette and puffed it a few times before throwing it too into the toliet.

A loud boom made Jean run to the bathroom. When she saw Wolverine, she ran and called an ambulance (again). It was the same team as last time. As they where walking down the steps, Jean told them what happened and they began to laugh so hard that they let go of the stretcher and Wolverine fell down the stairs, breaking his ankle.

**Get Outta My Car!**

As Kitty was walking out of the mall, she spotted six guys in her car. She wipped out her gun and pointed it at them, "Get out! I have a gun and I'm like, prepared to use it!" The six guys ran out of the car and down the road.

Kitty smiled satisfied to herself and climbed into the car. When she tried to put the key in, she found it didn't work. Oops, wrong car. She decided to take the car to the police station to report what happened. 

When she told the police what happened, they burst out laughing. The police officer pointed to six terrified looking young men. They had just reported being hijacked by a teenage girl.

**You've Got Mail**

Kurt and Evan where playing catch out in the front of the mansion when they noticed Kitty come out and look into the mailbox. She then closed it, and walked back inside. The two coninuted to play when Kitty came out five minutes later. She looked into the mail box and then went back inside.

This continued for another half an hour until Evan finally asked, "Kitty! What are you doing?"

Kitty looked up from the mailbox and said, "The computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail!'."

**The Mirror of Truth**

Three girls walked into a bathroom, there names where Jean, Rouge and Kitty. As they entered, an old gypsy woman said to them, "Try our new feature, 'The Truth Mirror'! Say something true and you will be greatly rewareded, say something false and something horrible will happen to you!"

So the girls decided to try it out. First up was Jean, "I think I'm the smartest of us all." She said, and insantly got a brand new sports car.

Next was Rouge, "I think I'm the most evil one of us all." Suddenly, she got a bag with a million dollars in it.

Finally, it was Kitty's turn, "I think-" and she was immediatly sucked into the mirror.

**On The Run**

Kurt, Kitty and Scott where on the run from some mutant chasers. They soon saw a barn and ran into it. Looking around, they found the only place to hide was three burlap sacks. When their pursurers entered, they kicked the first sack. "Meow!" Kurt said.

"It's just a cat." The chaser said. Next they went onto the sack that Scott was in and they kicked it.

"Woof!" Scott said.

"It's just a dog." The chaser said. Then they went onto the sack that Kitty was in and they kicked it. 

Silence. 

They kicked it again.

Silence.

Finally, the kicked it one more time. Kitty yelled, "Potatoes!"

**The Note**

Scott returned from shopping with Jean (he was forced) to find his car had been tottaled. He dropped the bags he was carrying for Jean (who was still in the mall) and his mouth hung open. He sighed with relief as he saw the note attached to the windshield.

His eyes bugged out (once again) as he read the note: "THE PEOPLE STANDING AROUND THINK I'M PUTTING DOWN MY NAME, PHONE NUMBER AND ADRESS BUT I'M NOT!"

**Drunk Wolverine**

One night, Logan was drunk and driving his car so a policeman pulled him over. As he was _trying_ to walk the straight line, a crash was heard from nearby. The policeman told Logan to stay put while he checked it out.

Well, after ten minutes, Logan decided that it was stupid to keep waiting so he drove back to the mansion.

The next day, the police officer showed up at his house. Logan insisted that he 'had been home all night'. The police officer asked him to open the garage. Logan complied, wondering what the policeman was hoping to find. 

Inside the garage was the police patrol car.

**Deadly Gas**

"You're probably wondering vhy Wolverine is dead, right?" Kurt said to Storm and the Professor. The two had just returned to the mansion after a misson. They had left the kids all in the care of Wolverine, who when they returned had found dead. "Vell, as you know, his diet mainly consisted of baked beans and cabbage, ja? He must 'ave eaten too many becuase ve found him dead in his room. He died from inhaling ze poisionus cloud of gas above his head. If he had been outside, it would not have been fatal, but seeing as his room is almost airtight, ze gas had no place to go."

The Professor and Storm stared at him. Finally, Storm cleared her throat, "So why are Kitty and Evan in the hospital under critical condidtion?"

"Vhen we were trying to rescue Logan, they inhaled too much of ze gas."

**Tire Test**

Scott, Jean and Rogue all missed an exam they had together, each for their own reasons. Together they decided they would tell the teacher that they had a flat tire. So, when it was time for the make-up tests, they opened the booklets and their was only one question: "Which tire?"

**Why?**

A philosophy teacher gave an exam with only one question: "Why?" and the only person to pass was Kurt Wagner with the answer of "Because."

**Anything At All**

One of Evan's teacher's announced that their test would be open book and that they could use anything they could carry on the test. The next day, the teacher saw Evan walk in with the Professor straped to his back.

**C to A**

Todd was doing his homework when a peice of paper fell out. He picked it up and looked it over. It was a many several-year old copy of the paper he was supposed to write. He copied it and turned it in. Several weeks later he got an A on it and a note attached to it from the teacher: "When I turned this in, I only got a C, but I thought it deserved much better."

**END?**

So, how'd ya like 'em? Should I post more? Did you think these where funny? Should I post something like this, only make them all freaky urban legends? Come on! Tell me! I live off of reviews... reviews keep me alive ... *gives the puppy dog eyes to everyone* ~DaeMon


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